Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
