Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
