my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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