shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
