I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
