Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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