I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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