She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
