Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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