Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's just like the Real World with babies
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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