Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
