Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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