Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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