I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
