I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Randomize
