I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
