So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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