I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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