she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
