haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
