dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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