Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
