i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.