I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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