Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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