how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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