He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
