Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?