We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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