The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
