nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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