I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
