sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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