He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
