I am full of burrito and curiosity
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
