It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
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So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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