I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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