pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
