we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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