I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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