Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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