i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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