tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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