I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
