I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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