saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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