And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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