I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
