Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
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Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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