I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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