Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
