i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
