We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
