There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I did not marry a roomba.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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