If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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