i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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