Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
