A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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