Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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