I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
