Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
