there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
