remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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