I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
