there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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