He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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