Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Come share oat with me in your robe
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
